Sunday, 14 September 2014

Diary extract from Lady Glenorchy

May 11, 1768. 
This morning I awoke with a great desire to praise God for his mercies; but my lips were sealed, I could not utter what I felt. At breakfast, I renewed the argument upon faith with ______, and was led away by the impetuosity of my temper to say what I did not at first intend, and some things that savoured too much of Antinomianism. In the course of the argument, I felt much carnal pride and self-applause in my heart, and I did not apply, as I ought to have done, to the Holy Spirit for his assistance. This I take to be the reason why I was left to fall into error. 

After this, I walked out to the place which I have chosen for my morning devotions. My mind was much disturbed in reading the word; I was in great darkness, but it pleased the Lord to enable me to utter my wants to him, and to pray fervently, with many tears, for myself and all my friends. After this, in walking home, I sung part of the 71st psalm, and felt much joy and comfort in the latter part of it, from the 20th verse: 

Thou, Lord, who great adversities 
And sore to me didst show, 
Shall quicken, and bring me again, 
from depths of earth below, &c. &c.  

After dinner, I met with a sore trial of patience, and here (from not looking to Jesus for help) I felt most sadly. I lost temper, and said many bitter things. I recalled to mind all my former grievances, repined at the will of God, and thought my case uncommonly hard. In short, the Lord left me to my own proud heart; and I sinned greatly. This has cost me many tears. Lord, forgive me this offence, and wash it away in thy precious blood.

I this day resolve (with the assistance of the Spirit) to watch over the first risings of passion and to pray daily for the grace of a meek and quiet spirit, and above all for humility, in which I am greatly deficient. This has been a day of many errors and infirmities. Lord, if thou shouldst mark iniquity, who could stand before thee? but with thee there is mercy, and plenteous redemption. O clothe me with the righteousness which cometh by faith from Jesus; for all my righteousnesses are as filthy rags: even my best duties are stained with sin. My trust is in thee, O Lord; let me never be confounded. 

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